She was prepared: So now what?

As about .05% of the spam bots who read my blog know, yesterday’s season 3 finale saw the fulfillment of what a lot of people have been expecting and/or dreading for quite a while; the egghead became a princess, complete with wings and a coronation ceremony.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re not that in that .05%. Go home. Nothing to see here.

If you do know what the hell I’m talking about, or you are simply curious, stay awhile, and listen. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before; analyze an episode of a kid’s show.

Filly, you’ll be a princess, soon

For 99% of the few people who actually read Bullp*ss; you can go about your business. As indicated by the title, this probably doesn’t concern you. Everybody else, come in a bit closer. It is time for rumors to be dispelled. I have something to tell you.

I’m actually listening to Urge Overdrive Neil Diamond right now.

Yeah. There has always been something cool about that song. I think it is the toy piano.

Also, Twilight Sparkle is becoming an Alicorn princess.

His Fathers Must be Proud.

Not all celebrity gay couples are conspicuous. Just the other day, I learned of one couple nobody would have ever known about; that is until their son stepped onto the Fields of Justice. I am, of course, talking about Lord Zedd and Oroku  Saki (The Shredder).

Gaked

How do you create hype over a “toy” nobody has given a flying feather about for years?  Play an endless stream of commercials where you know very active members of the Internet community will be looking.

Genius.

I don’t know if it was intentional or not, but the usual annoying-ass Christmas commercials for Gak, the weird slime stuff produced by Nickelodeon and NSI International, aired several times during the highly anticipated season premier of a certain cartoon last Saturday. I didn’t notice because I was suffering from a League of Legends induced hangover and went into a coma during commercials, but a lot; and I mean a lot, of other people did.

It would be hard not too, for a conscious person. It is traditional for 3 or more of the various Gak ads to run in a a row. One can only hear a burping voice exclaim “Gak! Gak! Gak!” 800 times per commercial before it gets lodged in your brain like the question of whether or not you turned the burner off after making tea.

Toys For Men

Just for kids? Doubtful. I hear the old folks complaining “kids” movies are more for adults these day. Good. I’m glad we adults get to have fun again.

America is still behind the times. I’m not talking about universal health care or acceptance of nudity, either. I’m talking about America’s habit of taking everything fun and giving it to kids. Toys. Cartoons. Games. What is the deal with that?

Don’t get me wrong. We’ve come a long way. But I think we all know there is still quite a disconnect between the growing population of young and middle-aged adults who still like the fun stuff, and the aging population. There are still a lot of people out there who think anybody past their mid-twenties who still watches “kids” movies, thinks super heroes are cool, and plays video games has something wrong with them. A lot of people still don’t consider people interested in these things “grown up”. This doesn’t make much sense to me for a very good reason.

These things weren’t originally meant  for kids, and a lot of them still aren’t exclusively for children.

Why Do We Do This?

Could somebody remind me why we have these Presidential debates? I don’t think they talk about anything we’ve not heard before. I’m pretty sure we all know where the candidates stand. At this point, most everybody has their mind made up. If you don’t, the debates aren’t the best place to get your information. The best you can hope for is see which candidate makes a bigger fool out of themselves by stating something you know is not true, or contradicting something they said two weeks ago.

Of course the candidates could always be total jerks to the moderator, and show everybody just how unwilling they are to stick to agreed upon rules; always a good sign.

Summer in Oregon: Gravity Falls

I was drawn to Gravity Falls the moment I heard the eerie music during the show’s creepy title sequence. After watching a few episodes, I knew I was doomed to like the show, and very convinced that its creator, Alex Hirsch (Fish Hooks, Misadventures of Flapjack), had shadowed me and my friends as children as we searched the wilderness for evidence of local legends.

Unlike me and my friends, Dipper and Mabel Pines find them, whether they want to or not. The Pines twins are sent away from home to spend the summer getting some “fresh air” in the wilderness of Oregon a their Great Uncle (grunkle) Stan’s Mystery Shack; one part cheesy sideshow and one part creepy novelty gift store. Amid Fijian mermaids, Jackalopes and “Sascrotch”, they find real creatures and real mystery. With the help of an old journal hinting at the strangeness of Gravity Falls, they deal with lonely forest gnomes, the vengeful spirits of elderly store clerks, and child psychic evangelists. At the same time, the Pines also deal with the usual trials of childhood, such as awkward attempts at summer romance, spending time with weird relatives, and finding a way to tolerate your sibling.

Mystery Solved: What I wanted to know about the Romney video.

I don’t understand why everybody is so shocked by this secret Mitt Romney video. Sure, it shows him talking about 40-some-odd percent of voters with disdain. Or was it the 40-some percent of people who don’t pay taxes? I don’t know. I don’t care. It isn’t shocking. It isn’t a surprise. Anybody with any sense knows this is how most wealthy people, especially certain Republican factions, view the common folk. I could be people who don’t pay taxes. It could be everybody else too. They’re all parasitic freeloaders. No surprise there.

What interests me about this video isn’t the content. No. It is the video itself. I want to know where it came from, and why it was shown now.

The Voters Have Spoken: Next president doesn’t have to be human as long as it solves real problems

The honey badger doesn’t give a sh*t if it is hard, it just wants to get America back on the right track.

This is the message honey badger’s human press secretary “Randall” gave to voters at a conference formally announcing honey badger’s entrance to the 2012 presidential race. That this took place in Ybor City Tampa while the Republican National Convention was going on makes it even better. The announcement even got some decent press coverage.

Imagine my surprise when I found this out thanks to a reader. I guess more people have found my post on honey badger as a presidential candidate after its campaign became a reality.

Please Do

 

Can you hear that? That is the sound of Jersey Shore fans mobilizing politically for the first time in their lives. It is a good thing the gyms and tanning salons already have their membership  money, because the sound of skin sizzling and bros grunting are soon to be replaced by the call of crickets as millions of Vinnie Guadagnino (is that even his real name?) fans hit the campaign trail.

What in hell am I talking about? Jersey Shore is about to start its last season, and Vinnie has announced he would like to run for president now that the show is over.