She was prepared: So now what?

As about .05% of the spam bots who read my blog know, yesterday’s season 3 finale saw the fulfillment of what a lot of people have been expecting and/or dreading for quite a while; the egghead became a princess, complete with wings and a coronation ceremony.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re not that in that .05%. Go home. Nothing to see here.

If you do know what the hell I’m talking about, or you are simply curious, stay awhile, and listen. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before; analyze an episode of a kid’s show.

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She Must Break You (then suck out your love juices)

Until about two minutes before writing this, I did not know part of Sylvester Stallone’s face was paralyzed since birth due to a doctor’s misuse of forceps, explaining his unique visage.  This is probably the most interesting, and informative sentence you’re going to read in this post, and only loosely related to what I am about to present.

A while back, I decided to stop thinking about something and just do it. That something was a fun little music video in which I put scenes from the second season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, to one of my favorite songs from Rocky IV; Robert Tepper’s “No Easy Way Out”.  It wasn’t just just a collection of random events, either.  I summarized the the phenomenal finale while also touching on the major conflicts from the rest of the season. I even did it in the style of the amazing montage where, after Apollo Creed’s death and subsequent fight with Adrian, Rocky drives off in his sporty little car and thinks about his fallen friend and his career as a fighter.

Oh yeah. Rocky IV  was my favorite Rocky. Rocky v.s. Communism. The American spirit against Russian science. He won the Cold War for us. Stallone did a lot of movies during the Regan era that helped push the national agenda. Rambo was also about the battle with communism, and a piece about how America “turned” on their soldiers in Nam.

What is my video about? Well, I suppose it could represent the current political climate. As a people, we’re more polarized than ever. I’ll tell you, nothing is scarier than seeing the “Take Back America” banners. Take it back from whom? We’re talking about the other half of the country that voted, not some sort of invading force.

So maybe Queen Chrysalis and her  changelings can represent the danger our fellow Americans pose to our way of life. They look like us, they may even love us, but God dammit, they just want to suck us dry until there is nothing left.

Maybe I’m over thinking things. Lets go a different route. This video was a lot of fun to make. It is the first video project I’ve done in a long, long time. I forgot I could make neat things like this, and how fun it is to create again. I kind of wish I had Youtube and digital media back in the day when I did cool stuff like this constantly. I used to be really cool, now I’m just boring. Work. Video games. Drink. Sleep. Woo!

Here is my video. Enjoy. Don’t forget to check out the link in the description to see the original Rocky IV source material. See you on the battlefield later this year.

Watch this movie. Really, it’s okay. Don’t be a puss; your testicles won’t shrink. There is lots of fighting. Trust me

Spoilers Ahead: MLP Season 2 ends with bedlam

She'll swallow your frickin' soul!

I won’t be long. I’ve got a reception to get back to. I just wanted to say a few words about the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic season 2 finale, A Canterlot Wedding.

Frigging amazing.

Especially for a show aimed at a younger demographic. After all, what kind of show “for little girls” has a wedding degrade into a total melee between ponies and a Fae-like changing queen and her hideous minions? A cool one, that’s what kind of show.

Of course, now that I think about it, most weddings are probably instigated by changelings.

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Fan-Made Pony Fighter is Serious Business

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. A few animators, programmers, and musical producers walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and asks “What are you nerds up to?”. The animators, programmers, and musical producers say, “We’re going to make a fighting game based on the newly revised My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic franchise.

It might sound funny, but in May of last year, a team of 6 programmers and animators got together specifically for that purpose.  They called themselves Mane6 (for several obvious reasons). The game they’re making, MLP: Fighting is Magic, is definitely no joke.

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2011: The Year of the Pony

That is a capital idea, Spitfire.

Last year wasn’t the greatest for me. However, there were a few things that brought me joy during the self-imposed monotony and funk of 2011. The next few posts will be about these things.

Of course, anybody who knows me, or who has read anything I’ve written since May, knows there is one distraction that stood out above all others. I’d like to get this elephant equine out of the room first.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

On its face, the idea of grown men watching a show called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, sounds very odd (to say the least). I didn’t know what the hell was wrong with the world when I first read about the phenomenon in May of 2011. However, being a guy who watches a lot of cartoons and who probably enjoys kids shows a little more than he should, I had to look into it. I never expected it to be one of the best television shows I have ever seen.

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More Pony Related Nonsense

So, the new season has started. I haven’t, and probably won’t go see what the internet has to say about it. Quite frankly, hard-core fans who post reviews tend to over-analyze things too much, and I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth.

I will say this; I hate Discord. He is the kind of villain I cannot stand; acts like an idiot, looks like an idiot, but is still powerful and a real threat. Like Kefka, from the Final Fantasy series. The pacing was a little rushed too. Okay, I’ve said too much.

Speaking of discord, I when I was researching “The Pony Phenomenon”, I found not everybody liked the show. Even more surprising, not everybody thought the idea of male fans, let alone adult male fans, was harmless.  I’m not talking the usual Internet troglodytes either. I’m talking about Fox News and feminist writers.

Is there something more sinister to Equestria than jealous sisters and douche-bag draco-whatever the f*cks?

My Little Homophobic, Racist, Smart-Shaming Pony

Yes, you read that right. Apparently a blogger for Ms. Magazine (online) named Kathleen Richter doesn’t like the stereotypes and secret lessons children learn from the MLP reboot. Read the article here. It was part of Ms. Pony Week, whatever that was. Yes, it is old. The show came out last year, so that’s when it got the scrutiny.

Here are her major talking points.

So overall, these are the lessons My Little Pony teaches girls:

  • Magical white ponies are suited for leadership; black ponies are suited to be servants.
  • Stop learning! You will overcome any obstacle by resorting to strength in numbers (of friends).
  • Girls that wear rainbows are butch.
  • You need the government (ideally a monarch invested with supreme ultimate power and a phallic symbol strapped to her forehead) to tell you what to do with your life.

This lady is the bane of any creator, and why we can never have nice things. She is right on a few things, though. Old shows were horrible, and it is thought a unicorn’s horn might be a phallic symbol. Knowing this fact would have made grade-school so much more fun.

As for everything else?  There is not much I can say Lauren Faust didn’t already in this counter-article. The only think I can add is that looks like her ideas are based on a few episodes and her own assumptions. My brother, reading this as I write, just brought up a good point. It seems people like Richter are as equally stuck on the old stereotypes as the material they oppose, to the point of seeing them everywhere. I don’t even know what “Girls that wear rainbows are butch.” is supposed to mean.

Fox News

I don’t know what segment of Fox News this video clip is from. Maybe some daytime show nobody watches. I didn’t even watch the whole thing.  It kind of looks like some public access crap.

I do know it fails to make a distinction between losers who watch  My Little Pony and everybody else who watches My Little Pony.  There is an important difference. I’ll bet these losers aren’t limited to the “Brony” pool either.

Next.

Fan Fiction/Fan Art

Yeah, yeah. I mention fan fiction and fan art in my last pony article. I even said a few good things about it. However, most fan fiction and fan art involves sex, rape or dismemberment. Seriously, somepony wrote stories about Pinkie Pie eating Rainbow Dash, and somepony even made a You Tube video of themselves reading it . At the very least it involves depictions of a vast web of inter-character relationships that were never meant to be. Am I being unfair? Yes. Am I wrong though? Not really.

Somebody found my page looking for “Scootaloo sex story”. Do you know how disturbing this is to me?  She is undeserving of such scootabuse, and I will not tolerate it. I don’t know what is worse, the fact that it is the equine equivalent of child pornography or that people actually find ponies arousing.

Wing Boners

Some people are obsessed with penises so much, they mistake wings for dicks, and assign penile qualities to them. Way to go, freaks.

Clop/clopping.

You know you’ve made it big when you replace the world “fap/fapping”.

Other Stuff

Sometimes the lessons in the show are either misunderstood, or just don’t come across as intended. This is pretty normal, especially when it comes to children’s shows trying to teach a lesson. Overall, I’d rather see shows run in to this kind of problem, then just be complete nonsense or vapid bullp*ss like 90% of children’s television out there these days. I think I’d rather have my kids watch violent anime, If I had any. At least they’re “fighting the good fight”, instead of running around like maniacs and teaching kids it is okay to be annoying as f*ck.

Pony Related Nonsense

Yes, the new season of  the award-winning children’s program, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, is quickly approaching. I can’t speak for the kids, but the internet is abuzz with anxious adult fans.  They’re excited. They’re worried. They’re wondering if the strange mutant of a show will still have the clever humor and fun attitude without the girly-girl bullp*ss now that Lauren Faust is no longer executive producer.

As for me, I don’t really need a second season. The first season was something fun and completely unexpected. I never expected to like a show called My Little Pony. I’m not greedy when it comes to surprises. One season was enough, really. A second one would be nice, but I won’t be too disappointed if the new season just isn’t the same.

After all, there’s always the internet, where what I call “The Pony Phenomenon”, really took off. There are a lot of fun, fun ,fun pony-centric things out there. Some of them I’ve experienced myself. Others I’ve only heard of.

Message Boards/Reaction Faces

I don’t know if this is where the girls from Ponyville started their rise to internet stardom, but it is where they became internet memes. Message boards like 4-Chan were inundated with ponies. The show’s characters had the simple design and just the right range of facial emotions to make them ripe for exploitation.  Pony “reaction faces“,  and signature images flooded the boards. Popular internet memes had their original pictures replaced with horses. Some of the ponies’ dialoug even became memes themselves. People complained. Nobody cared.

Fan-Made Videos

Not only were the ponies’ expressions perfectly exploitable, but so was the animation. The show often poked fun at pop culture, already putting the characters in familiar poses and situations, but the rest of the show featured a wide variety of footage useable for just about anything. Not surprisingly, people edited the ponies into just about everything.  Pony version of 300? Check. Pony rap songs? Surprisingly well-synced. Pony scenes using the ol’ Larry David stare-down edited to feature the actual dialog from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yup. Even official commercials featured clever pony versions of Katy Perry’s “California Gurls”  and Apple’s iPhone commercials.

Fan Sites

What breakout hit children’s show attracting an unlikely followings of adult-male viewers would be complete without several websites catering to adult fans? Websites like Ponibooru and Equestria Daily hit the scene soon after the show hit the “big time”, becoming hubs for people to find the latest news, see the latest videos, talk to one another about their sick obsession and brows through horrible, horrible fan-fiction. There’s even a site counting down the days until the new season. The show’s creators even enjoy some of these sites. Equestria Daily was even featured as an “app” in the pony iPhone commercial linked above.

Fan Fiction/Fan Art

Yeah, yeah.  I know. However, people seem to like writing fan fiction for some reason.  Some of it might actually be passable. I’ll never admit it, but I actually came up with a fan-fiction story. I was listening to a certain song and it just popped in there.  Something about the Cutie Mark Crusaders and an apocalyptic future inadvertently caused by an attempt to scry into their own future. The difference between me and everybody else is, I’m a writer, and I know better than to write it.

People also like to draw pony pictures. I’ve actually seen a few good ones and a few funny ones. Of course, most of them involve ponies slobbering over each other as some sort of sick “shipping” portrait, but what can you expect from the Internet.

Special Appereances 

The ponies pop up everywhere. I’ve seen them most often as the subjects of fan art done by reputable web comics artists, or even as subjects of the comics themselves. Recently, Derpy made an unexplained appearance in Penny Arcade. Comics like Femmegasm have done pony jokes for  quite some time.

Apparel

Yes, Hasbro does have a line of MLP clothing and accessories. Guess what? They’re made for little girls. For the rest of us who want to show pony pride on our sleeves, the Internet has a variety of options. There are plenty of t-shirt sites of questionable reputation out there willing to throw some ponies, catch phrases or a cutie mark in the middle of a shirt and call it good. Some of the designs aren’t half-bad.  However, I prefer the simple designs of Sharkrobot.com’s Fashion is Magic line.  I appreciate the subtlety of my favorite character’s mark  cleverly shifted to the bottom left corner of the shirt. It makes perfect sense, and I absolutely love the idea of shirts with simple designs in non-traditional locations.