Weasels ripped my flesh. Ripped. My flesh. Who ripped? Weasels ripped. What did they rip? My flesh. Apparently they swarm like bees, chasing their prey into the water where the apparently aquatic animals have the advantage. It is a concept so goofy, Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention used it for an album cover. Yet, it is not singularly corny.
Scenes of seemingly innocuous critters swarming over a rugged, shirtless man (usually waist-deep in water, for extra effect) commonly graced the covers of 50’s manly-man magazines. Magazines like Man’s Life, Adventure, True Adventure, Male, and Stag. Magazines filled with (supposedly) true stories of survival and adventure. Magazines filled pulpy tales of intrigue and sexually assertive women. Magazines with great article titles, such as “Ski Lodge Nymph”, “Strangled by a Gorilla”, “My Six Years with the Amazon Women”, “New U.S. Menace: Teen-Agers in Black Leather Jackets”, and “I Found a Ski Lodge Amazon Queen”.
I made that last one up. Or did I? Who knows?
I found a stack of these magazines while cleaning out my grandfather’s basement. I never laughed so hard while coughing up mold spores. I probably wasted an hour-and-a-half flipping through the crusty, old pages. I wonder if the magazines were super-cheesy back then, or if they were the cool thing to read. With all of the sexual content, I’m sure they were a bit controversial.
If you want to check these magazines out, you don’t need a grandfather, or a basement. These magazine covers, and probably the articles, can be found all over the Internet. Take a look. It is a great way to connect with previous generations. Apparently our fathers and their fathers had the same thirst for violence, and the objectification of women, we do. At the very least, generations have come home from work to escape into tales of sex and adventure the likes of which we’ll never know, just like we all do now.
Enjoy this little gallery.