Black Friday is for Chumps and Savages

So, I’m back from outer space Skyrim, just in time to hear about all the “Black Friday” madness. A few people got shot. A few people got pepper-sprayed. Riots started over $2 waffle makers. Everybody who was charging around in a Wal-Mart made a God-damn fool of themselves for something they probably didn’t need.

Aside from what I heard on television and read in the papers, most everybody I know who went have horror stories to tell. I’ve heard stories of security harassing people for picking up items too soon. I’ve heard security accusing people of re-packaging items to get a better deal (I’m sure it happens). I’ve heard stories of carts being stolen from under noses and deal items being torn from the hands of their soon-to-be owners.

This “Black Friday” mania has pretty much started with the (current) depression, as far as I can tell. It was always around, but nothing like what it is now.  There were still deals and “door-busters”. However, the lines weren’t so huge. People didn’t riot (except maybe at Wal-Mart, of course), and it was actually safe for kids and grandparents to go shopping.

I know, because I was a kid, and I went shopping with my grandmother. I won’t even leave my house on “Black Friday” now, if I can help it.

I could understand this kind of savagery if we were in a post-apocalyptic world where big-screen televisions and SD cards were necessary for survival. I cannot imagine what it will be like when the economy gets even worse or some other crazy bullp*ss happens. Can you imagine how people will act if they have to wait in lines because food or other necessities are scarce? I remember my grandfather telling jokes about machine gunners on bread trucks.

Maybe they weren’t jokes.

The real joke is that everybody knows the best deals aren’t even on Black Friday. All Black Friday has going for it is some crazy new marketing and those “door-buster”  deals that get snapped up by frothing consumers in the first minute the stores open as they claw, bite and trample everyone in their path. Usually these great deals are shitty off-brand electronics. If you managed to score one of the 4 name brand 55′ inch televisions in stock, congratulations.  I hope you don’t see the reflections of those you killed to get it when you turn it off at night.

Actually, I hope you do.


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