You’ve Got to be Fricking Kidding Me: Spy Kids 4 goddang D.

Because I live under a rock, sometimes I miss things, like how director Robert Rodriguez had decided what cinema needs now is a revival of one of the sh*ttiest movie theater gimmicks ever.

I say cinema, but I’m really talking about another Spy Kids movie here. While perhaps the other Spy Kids movies may have had an element of cleverness to them, the latest installment, Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, looks really bad. Maybe it is the cheesy computer animation sequence I saw where an infant throws a grown man over its shoulder. Maybe it is the scene in which a talking dog fires a volley of fart-balls out of its anus. Maybe it is because the movie is supposedly filmed in 4-D.

What is the fourth D? Well, if you’re not like me and you’ve been paying attention, you already know it is smell. If you are like me, then you put your hand through a glass while doing the dishes when you heard the word “aromavision” in the movie’s  trailer.

Horrific.

I’m already a little annoyed whenever I have to pay more for a ticket because a movie is filmed in 3-D. No, I don’t think watching a fish spit a penis at the screen is any better when the penis pops out at me. I can’t imagine smelling a dog’s “fart bombs” will make my movie going experience any better either. Like 3-D, Smell-O-Vision will mostl likely suck just as bad as it did when it was first invented, except it is worse because we already know better.

I’m curious, though; how far with this bullp*ss go? Will we have special machines bumping the bottom of the theater seats during a theater scene like in The Tingler? In the future, will I emerge from the theater drenched in fake blood looking like I just attended a Gwar concert? Will the jackass texting on his cellphone and telling his friends about everything he writes get shot during battle scenes using special jerkoff tracking technology? The sky is the limit.

Enjoy sniffing a dog’s butthole, moviegoers.

 

 

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