Stop! If you haven’t been paying attention to the news for the past week, go back and do some reading. We’ll wait. Just kidding. There’ s no need to pay attention, because I’ll tell you the most important stories right now; the economy still sucks, Sara Palin is still a sideshow and cell phones still might cause cancer. Maybe.
The government got some new numbers in last month’s “job report“, and was shocked to find out what we’ve known all along; nobody is hiring. This shocker has Washington and economists scrambling for answers as to why companies just aren’t hiring.
Why should they? After all, the “economic downturn” was the greatest thing to happen to profits since outsourcing. I mean, why hire people when you can blame a sh*tty economy and make people do the work of three people for half the pay of one? Nobody’s going to do anything about it. Besides, the economy never has “recovered”. The only thing that has changed since it first crapped out is the super-rich aren’t in danger anymore. Everybody else is still f*cked.
Next story; Sara Palin. She’s traveling across the country and doing something. She’s having pizza with Trump, eventually. It could be that she’s running for president or maybe she’s just looking for more attention. Lord knows, one reality television show is never enough, and her mysterious jaunt is drumming lots of media attention. Since we’ve decided to play little media games with politicians who do not, and should not have a chance in hell of getting into office, I think Jimmy McMillan would be a much more fun to watch.
Finally, headlines ran last week indicating there may be a link between cell phone usage and certain types of brain cancer. These headlines were, in my opinion, completely irresponsible. Everybody responsible should be ashamed of themselves. The stories behind the headlines were nothing more than the same crap we’ve heard about cell phones, power lines and microwaves a million times before; maybe they do; maybe they don’t. The research behind the “new” story amounted to this: “we talked to a couple of people with brain cancer, and they use cell phones”. Great. Now how about we come up with a hypothesis and test it based on that? Isn’t that what you are supposed to do?
I know we have a 24 hour news-hole to fill, but seriously. I miss Bat Boy.