Fan fiction is one hell of a drug, and I’m pretty sure my introduction to it was all wrong.
I was talking to a girl in my college fiction collective. She looked like a boy and talked with the insecurity of a 12-year old. Fan fiction was a passion of hers. She made a reference to a slash fiction. I asked her what it was.
There are people who like to continue the stories of their favorite movie, book or television characters. This is fan fiction. There are also people who like to continue the stories of their favorite movie, book or television character’s sex lives. This is slash fan fiction.
Slash fiction. Get it?
She also told me many of these slash stories weren’t based on relationships actually shown or implied in the source material. No, slash fan fiction writers like to spice things up by making up their own relationships, many of them homosexual in nature.
It seemed pretty innocent enough; horny nerds writing about relationships and sex. After all, sex is the prime directive, and there aren’t many stories that don’t at least imply an attraction between characters. So maybe some people think Sonic and Knuckles would make a better pair than Sonic and Amy. Big deal.
The last thing she told me about slash fan fiction was a bit chilling. She told me there isn’t a single thing slash writers wouldn’t write about. My biggest mistake came when I decided to test her theory.
How could I have missed it? The lust Zim and Dib had for each other, cloaked in rivalry. I didn’t see the sly glance Frankie gave Bloo over the dinner table. A fan fiction writer saw it though, and they wanted me to know.
Think about a television or cartoon show you or your child watches . Think of two characters. Now go to the computer and type in (character x)/(character y). Prepare for horror.
From that night on I started to see things in a very different way; a way nobody should ever see things. This is the power of the slash fiction writer.
Jesus! Who looks at Bubbles from the Power Puff Girls and thinks “Damn, she fine!”? Who watches Codename Kids Next Door and thinks it needs more sex? Who the f*ck thinks about these things and then writes about it?
I have never actually read a slash fiction story in my life, but I don’t have to. Like some ancient thing, even catching a glimpse of it out of the corner of your eye, it fills your mind with twisted thoughts. I know they are there. I already know what they are about. They whisper.
I will always find myself pushing aside thoughts of how flirtatiously Twilight Sparkle’s “cutie mark” brings attention to the sultry curve of her flank.
I also know that like most things of this type, they turn ugly and violent. Not content to usher minor horrors into the world, slash writers call unwittingly to worse things beyond the veil with terrible stories of physical abuse, bestiality and rape. Nobody should ever think, write, or read about combining Pokemon, molestation and genital mutilation.
Yet they do.
I know normal fan fiction is out there. Sometimes people even get to write fan fiction for a living. Just look at all of the official fiction surrounding popular movies, books and television shows. However, this is a world I’ll never know. I will always think of fan fiction as abhorrent tales written chronic masturbators and rapists in training. People who have looked into terrible worlds and chose to proliferate the horror instead of recoiling.
God help you if you clicked some of those links.