I learn a lot about my “neighbors” when I walk my dog every day. I see their houses. I see their cars. I see them in their underwear watching me from the window.
Spring is a great time to divine habits from the trash they leave alongside the road and learn more about them. Yes, that magical time when the snow melts but the grass hasn’t grown up over the crap they throw out of their cars.
Here are a few things I’ve learned.
Cigars: Somebody smokes a lot of Primetime little cigars; cherry flavor. They’re too cheap to buy a pack, they just buy the little single-serving sampler in the plastic tubes. I find them everywhere along the roadside here. I think I am narrowing down the suspects. I’ve found several tubes where one fellow rolled his car into a snowbank recently and in animal-ravaged garbage near where he lives.
Cat Poop: Somebody finds it easier to bag up their cat’s litter and dump it on the side of the road than to put it in the trash. There are about 6 spots along a certain stretch of road where I always find cat litter dumped, and several random locations as well. I’m guessing somebody may not have trash pickup. Actually, half of my “neighbors” probably don’t, judging by the crap I find dumped everywhere.
Clothes: A lot of people lose their cloths while driving. This is a fact supported by the amount of clothing I find alongside the road. I found a whole Winnie the Pooh ensemble the other day, minus the child who was wearing it.
Flying Horse: Maybe it is a flying invisible horse. I always find gigantic feces on the side of the road with no clue as to who or what is leaving it. No tracks, no sightings; nothing.
Animals never die, they just turn into jerky: Okay, they do die; they die, get covered in snow and end up freeze dried treats in the spring. Each year around this time I see animal after animal dead and dried out on the side of the road. My dog loves this; but he does not enjoy it when I try to take his all-natural Jack’s Links away from him.